The Sound of Inner Conflict

The Sound of Inner Conflict – EXPLICIT – ADULT CONTENT

By Nick Aitoro

Intro:
Some truths are too raw to say in conversation, yet they erupt through music.
Slipknot’s Duality screams the battle within, Tool’s Schism pulls apart and examines the fractures in connection, and Ren’s Hi Ren stages a dialogue between self and shadow. Together, these songs form a trilogy on struggle, separation, and the search for wholeness.

For me, music has always been an emotional experience. While I often listen simply to enjoy the sound, there are moments when an artist—whether a band or a single individual—uses music and words to project the raw emotion of the song’s meaning and origin. In those moments, I feel it. There have even been times when I’ve never heard a song before, yet by the end, I’ve had a visceral, somatic reaction to the emotion it carried. Music feeds, soothes, and opens my soul for the better.

Slipknot

Meaning of Duality  – the quality or state of having two different or opposite parts or element

Duality Lyrics

I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way inside
If the pain goes on

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I’ve waited as my time’s elapsed
Now, all I do is live with so much fate
I’ve wished for this, I’ve bitched at that
I’ve left behind this little fact
You cannot kill what you did not create
I’ve gotta say what I’ve gotta say
And then, I swear, I’ll go away
But I can’t promise you’ll enjoy the noise
I guess I’ll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You’re left with me ’cause you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on
I’m not gonna make it

Put me back together
Or separate the skin from bone
Leave me all the pieces
Then you can leave me alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I found out the hard way
Nothing is what it seems

I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way inside
If the pain goes on, I’m not gonna make it All I’ve got, all I’ve got is insane
All I’ve got, all I’ve got is insane
All I’ve got, all I’ve got is insane
All I’ve got, all I’ve got is insane

---

Tool

Meaning of Schism – a split or division between strongly opposed sections or parties, caused by differences in opinion or belief.

Schism Lyrics

I know the pieces fit
‘Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Fundamental differing
Pure intention juxtaposed
Will set two lovers’ souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes
Testing our communication

The light that fueled our fire then
Has burned a hole between us so
We cannot seem to reach an end
Crippling our communication

I know the pieces fit
‘Cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame
It doesn’t mean I don’t desire
To point the finger, blame the other
Watch the temple topple over
To bring the pieces back together
Rediscover communication

The poetry that comes from
The squaring off between
And the circling is worth it
Finding beauty in the dissonance

There was a time that the pieces fit
But I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Strangled by our coveting
I’ve done the math enough to know
The dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow
And strengthen our communication

Cold silence has
A tendency to
Atrophy any
Sense of compassion

Between supposed lovers
Between supposed lovers

I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
I know the pieces fit
And I know the pieces fit

---

Ren

“Hi Ren” Lyrics

Hi there Ren, it’s been a little while, did you miss me?
You thought you’d buried me, didn’t you? Risky
‘Cause I always come back, deep down, you know that
Deep down, you know I’m always in the periphery
Ren, aren’t you pleased to see me?
It’s been weeks since we spoke bro, I know you need me
You’re the sheep, I’m the shepherd, not your place to lead me
Not your place to be biting off the hand that feeds me

Hi Ren, I’ve been taking some time to be distant
I’ve been taking some time to be still
I’ve been taking some time to be by myself
Since my therapist told me I’m ill
And I’ve been making some progress lately
And I’ve learnt some new coping skills
So I haven’t really needed you much, man
I think we need to just step back and chill

Ren, you sound more insane than I do
You think that those doctors are really there to guide you?
You’ve been through this a million times
Your civilian mind is so perfect at always being lied to
Okay, take another pill boy
Drown yourself in the sound of white noise
Follow this ten-step program, rejoice
All your problems will be gone! Fuckin’ dumb boy

Nah, mate, this time it’s different, man, trust me
I feel like things might be falling in place
And my music’s been kinda doing bits too
Like I actually might do something great
And when I’m gone, maybe I’ll be remembered
For doing something special with myself
That’s why I don’t think that we should talk, man
‘Cause when you’re with me, it never seems to help

You think that you can amputate me?
I am you, you are me, you are I, I am we
We are one, split in two that makes one, so you see
You got to kill you if you wanna kill me
I’m not left over dinner, I’m not scraps on the side
Oh, your music is thriving? Delusional guy
Where’s your top ten hit? Where’s your interview with Oprah?
Where are your Grammies, Ren? Nowhere!

Yeah, but, my music’s not commercial like that
I never chased numbers, statistics or stats
I never write hooks for the radio, they never even play me
So why would I concern myself with that?
But my music is really connecting
And the people who find it, respect it
And for me, that’s enough ’cause this life’s been tough
So it gives me a purpose I can rest in

Man, you sound so pretentious
Ren, your music is so self-centred
No one wants to hear another song about
How much you hate yourself, trust me
You should be so lucky, having me inside you to guide you
Remind you to manage expectations
Provide you perspective, that thing you neglected, I get it
You wanna be a big deal, next Jimi Hendrix? Forget it

Man, it’s not like that
Man it’s just like that, I’m inside you, you twat
No, it’s not man, you’re wrong, when I write, I belong
Let me break the fourth wall by acknowledging this song
Ren sits down, has a stroke of genius
He wants to write a song that was not done previous
A battle with his subconscious, Eminem did it
Played on guitar, Plan B did it

Man, you’re not original, you criminal, rip-off artist
The pinnacle of your success is stealing other people’s material
Ren, mate, we’ve heard it all before
Uh, “she sells seashells on the sea shore”
Fuck you, I don’t need you, I don’t need to hear this
‘Cause I’m fine by myself, I’ma genius
And I will be great, and I will make waves
And I’ll shake up the whole world beneath us

That’s right, speak your truth, your fuckin’ God complex leaks out of you
It’s refreshing to actually hear you say it instead of downplay it
“Ugh, music Is all about the creative process and if people can find
Something to relate to within that, then that’s just a bonus”
Fuck you, I’ma fuckin’ kill you, Ren
Well fuckin’ kill me then, let’s fuckin’ have you Ren
I’m a do it, watch me prove it, who are you to doubt my music?
‘Cause I call the shots. I choose if you die
Yeah, I call the shots, and so I who choose who survives
I’ll tie you up in knots when I’ll lock you inside

News flash
I was created at the dawn of creation
I am temptation, I am the snake in Eden
I am the reason for treason, beheading all Kings
I am sin with no rhyme or reason
Sun of the morning, Lucifer, antichrist
Father of lies, Mestophilies
Truth in a blender, deceitful pretender
The banished avenger, the righteous surrender

When standing in-front of my solar eclipse
My name it is stitched to your lips, so, you see
I won’t bow to the will of a mortal, feeble and normal
You wanna kill me? I’m enteral, immortal
I live in every decision that catalysed chaos
That causes division
I live inside death, the beginning of ends
I am you, you are me, I am you, Ren

Hi Ren, I’ve been taking some time to be distant
I’ve been taking some time to be still
I’ve been taking some time to be by myself
And I’ve spent half my life ill
But just as sure as the tide starts turning
Just as sure as the night has dawn
Just as sure as rainfall soon runs dry
When you stand in an eye of the storm

I was made to be tested and twisted
I was made to be broken and beat
I was made by His hand, it’s all part of His plan
That I stand on my own two feet
And you know me, my will is eternal
And you know me, you’ve met me before
Face-to-face with a beast, I will rise from the east
And I’ll settle on the ocean floor

And I go by many names also
Some people know me as “hope”
Some people know me as the voice that you hear
When you loosen the noose on the rope
And you know how I know that I’ll prosper?
‘Cause I stand here beside you today
I have stood in the flames that cremated my brain
And I didn’t once flinch or shake

So cower at the man I’ve become, when I sing from the top of my lungs
That I won’t retire, I’ll stand in your fire, inspire the weak to be strong
And when I am gone, I will rise in the music that I left behind
Ferocious, persistent, immortal like you, we’re a coin with two different sides

When I was 17 years old, I shouted out into an empty room
Into a blank canvas, that I would defeat the forces of evil
And for the next ten years of my life, I suffered the consequences
With autoimmunity, illness, and psychosis
As I got older, I realised that there were no real winners
And there were no real losers in physiological warfare
But there were victims and there were students
It wasn’t David versus Goliath, it was a pendulum
Eternally swayin’ from the dark to the light
And the more intensely that the light shone, the darker the shadow it cast

It was never really a battle for me to win, it was an eternal dance
And like a dance, the more rigid I became, the harder it got
The more I cursed my clumsy footsteps, the more I struggled
So I got older and I learned to relax
And I learned to soften and that dance got easier
It is this eternal dance that separates human beings
From angels, from demons, from gods
And I must not forget, we must not forget
That we are human beings