Civility, Grit, and the Participation Generation: Rebuilding the Backbone of Resilience

Civility, Grit, and the Participation Generation: Rebuilding the Backbone of Resilience

By Nick Aitoro

In recent decades, the cultural landscape of the United States has undergone a dramatic transformation—some of it progressive, some of it paradoxical. At the heart of this shift lies the self-esteem movement of the 1970s and ’80s: a well-intentioned campaign by educators, psychologists, and parents to uplift the next generation through praise, affirmation, and unconditional support. Yet, as with any cultural pendulum, an overcorrection brings new challenges.

The rise of participation trophies—those small but symbolic awards handed out simply for showing up—represented a key artifact of this movement. The goal was noble: reduce feelings of failure, ensure every child felt valued, and encourage ongoing participation. However, critics argue that this broad effort to shield children from disappointment may have unintentionally undermined their ability to cope with adversity. When reward is decoupled from effort and achievement, we risk diluting two core psychological muscles: resilience and grit.

Today, these consequences are perhaps most visible in what has become known as “Karen culture”—a meme-driven shorthand for entitlement, overreaction, and a lack of empathy or self-awareness, often rooted in perceived slights or unmet expectations. While the label itself can be problematic and gendered, the behaviors it describes are symptomatic of a broader societal drift. When individuals lack the tools to deal with discomfort, conflict, or compromise, they may externalize blame and weaponize complaint.

We now live in a world where civility is in short supply and outrage is often the first resort. Online comment sections have replaced community dialogues; customer service encounters have turned into performance art. The impulse to correct, confront, or cancel often outweighs the willingness to listen, reflect, and grow. We are reaping the consequences of a culture that prioritized self-esteem without equal emphasis on self-regulation.

And yet—this is not a condemnation. It’s a call to reinvest in the very traits that have sustained individuals and communities through adversity for generations: grit, the sustained passion and perseverance for long-term goals; and resilience, the capacity to recover from setbacks and adapt in the face of challenge.

These traits are not inherited—they are cultivated. They emerge through friction, not comfort. Through the sting of failure, the necessity of trying again, and the dignity of struggle. When a child learns to cope with a loss, when a teenager is held accountable for their actions, when an adult resists the urge to escalate and instead engages with respect—these are the building blocks of a more civil society.

So how do we move forward?

We don’t abandon the principles of the self-esteem movement—we update them. We can affirm a person’s worth while also challenging them to grow. We can build inclusive spaces that don’t coddle but rather equip people with emotional tools. And we must reframe the narrative: true strength is not in avoiding discomfort, but in facing it with grace.

In today’s world, where complexity, polarization, and emotional volatility are on the rise, the path forward lies not in more trophies—but in more truthful conversations. Let’s raise a generation that is not just confident, but capable. Not just heard, but humble. Not just awarded—but aware.